When you work from home, you go a little crazy. I’m a social person. I need conversation, something more than my mom calling to “see what’s up.” Nothing, Mom. Nothing is ever “up” when you work alone.
This is the life of a writer.
I find myself talking to my clothes about what I should wear. I ask my refrigerator the age of the leftovers. I apologize to the laundry basket for ignoring it.
I miss goofing around with former co-workers. (Note to former bosses: This “goofing around” occurred only during company-approved breaks.) I need water-cooler conversation. I need a buddy to recite lines from “The Colbert Report” and swap funny kid stories. I want a lunch buddy and a happy hour pal.
I’ve found a way to fondly recall those conversations. I read quotes online, and it’s almost like talking to a person. I sort the quotes into “Things You Would NEVER Hear in the Break Room” and “Things You MIGHT Hear in the Break Room.”
Things You Would NEVER Hear in the Break Room
- I have an expensive hobby: buying homes, redoing them, tearing them down and building them up the way they want to be built. – Sandra Bullock
- Wal-Mart … do they like make walls there? – Paris Hilton
- I can’t wait to get home and wash all those socks. – Julianne Moore.
- For me, prizes are nothing. My prize is my work. – Katharine Hepburn
- I don’t really think, I just walk. – Paris Hilton
- Love is not love without a violin-playing goat. – Julia Roberts
- Women’s Lib? Poor little things. They look so unhappy. Have you ever noticed how bitter their faces are? – Joan Crawford
Things You MIGHT Hear in the Break Room
- I like food. I like eating. And I don’t want to deprive myself of good food. Sarah Michelle Geller
- I will not retire while I’ve still got my legs and my make-up box. – Bette Davis. Note: This statement comes from the co-worker who should have retired 10 years ago.
- I figure if my kids are alive at the end of the day, I’ve done my job. – Roseanne Barr
- I want good work. – Demi Moore
- I went back to work because someone had to pay for groceries. – Bette Davis
- The interesting thing about being a mother is everyone wants pets but no one but me cleans the kitty litter. – Meryl Streep
- Free is the best. Anything free is good. – Sandra Bullock
- I’m married, you know. I love my husband, and I have a child. – Tina Fey. Note: Doesn’t this sound like the new person’s first day?
There you have it: the secret to end unhealthy conversations with your laundry basket. Just invent friends. And as long as they’re inventions, why not make them famous?